Anxious about 3-0

I am a 32 year old YOUNG woman and I am the happiest, healthiest and fittest I have been in years and years. I wanted to highlight young because it is! I want to write this article to help any other woman out there that felt the way I felt when I hit 30 . I felt like a failure in life both personally and professionally.

So – a little bit of background on me. I am British and I am also a Londoner. I do come from an Indian heritage however being born and bred in such a cosmopolitan place I know a lot of people from all walks of life.

I have learnt my self worth in my 30s
I have learnt my self worth in my 30s

By 30 I thought I would be married, have a few kids, have my dream job in media and life would be totally amazing and I would live happily ever after. So things have not worked out like that but that is life. I felt lost and confused, it was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. I felt it was all my fault – for wasting time with the wrong people, not moving on when I should have, not letting go and not working hard for my professional dreams. In a way I kind of felt entitled – entitled to have things because my parents gave me the world and this notion really was not the case in reality.

I realised things needed to change or they would be the same in my new decade
I realised things needed to change or they would be the same in my new decade

I never had a eureka moment but I came to the realization that there was nothing that I could do – my 20s had gone and I made lots of mistakes. I slowly decided I wanted to make huge changes to my life. There was no time to play the victim anymore. Just hard work and that was it and I was more then determined then ever. I ended a relationship which felt really liberating because I could completely focus on myself. More than anything at that age I felt I needed to be married because I was 30 – cousins younger than me where getting married and I thought – well I should just do it. But I look back and I am so thankful to God that I didn’t. In the last few years I have rebuilt myself, learnt to truly love myself, not settle, cut of everything toxic and do what I want and not what others want me to do.

Mindfulness

The first step for me was my health. In my late 20s I had really low self worth. I placed my value on what other people thought of me. Oh – that guy doesn’t like me, so I must be ugly and I am not getting a job I want because I am not clever enough etc.

Food and Fitness played a big part in rebuilding myself
Mindfulness played a big part in rebuilding myself

I knew that I had to get my mind really strong. With this low self worth I attracted people that would drain my energy. So slowly, I focused on having a super strong mind and this has taken time. One of my friends Jaymee who has been a voice of sanity in my life and knows me inside out introduced me to mindfulness. This played a huge part in gaining self worth and really forced me to be in the moment. My brain sometimes wonders off and with one thought leads to another thought and I just live in the past. I wanted this to stop and for me to totally enjoy the moment that I was in. So I practiced being mindful and being in the moment – so constantly I am right in the moment and my mind is not living in the past. I could not recommend this enough and I feel we should all do this. I am also so much more grateful now and I have a gratitude journal I write every single day which always focuses my mind on the many things I have been blessed to have.

Fitness and Food

I am a lucky girl and I was born healthy. I didn’t even appreciate this but getting back into the gym helped massively in terms of boosting my energy, managing my anxiety and generally letting off some steam. My brain was all scattered in my late 20s. I didn’t really care about my diet or eating healthy. So I made some fundamental changes. I now exercise without fail 5 times a week. I am also on a very healthy diet but of course I love a good cheat day too. I train twice a week with James Middleton who is well known in the fitness industry and such an amazing trainer. We do a lot of cardio, strength and HIIT based workouts. Even I to this day have to cool down for a couple of minuets because the exercises are intense but they are also working the whole body. He is such a great trainer and this helps me massively. I share our workouts on my Instagram so you can find them there.

Self love is important
Self love is important

My diet is all rounded and I don’t cut anything out. I make sure I am eating the correct carbohydrates for me I only eat brown rice and pasta now, I tend to eat more sweet potatoes then I have white and I eat brown bread. I make sure I get my protein from beans like black beans, quinoa, buckwheat and I love tofu. My healthy fats I get from all different nuts – I have things like almonds, chia seeds, flax seeds and so many more. I will start to share all my recipes very soon because it has been a huge education in changing up my diet and this has resulted in me having more energy and being happier. I also steam all of my vegetables and I don’t have dairy – so I only have nut milk like almond and oat milk which are my favorites. I tend to drink around 2-3 liters of water a day so I am constantly hydrated and limit to just one caffeine a day whether that is a tea or a coffee. Also, I view chocolate in a different way. I prefer having dark chocolate.

Knowing myself worth
Knowing my self worth

Ever since I have done this I have managed have a handle on my anxiety and I feel healthy on the inside which is super important. I also do not compromise sleep and make sure I get my 8 hours a night. All of this is also showing through my skin as it is a million times clearer then it was in my 20s. My friends have commented that I look toned which helps me feel amazing.

Exercise and having a healthy diet is something that I will continue for the whole of my life now. I want a long, healthy and happy life and these two mechanisms go hand-in-hand.

Cutting out toxic people

So anyone close to me at all knows how hard I find it to let go of people. Even when they have wronged me, I find it so hard to say bye. It is like someone has died and I hate that. However, over time and especially the last two years I have build my self esteem up and I only want people around me who value me and know my worth. The moment someone lies, swears or treats me with any disrespect I cut them out super fast. There are billions of people in the world and I only want the ones who value me around me. People think that if someone lies, they will change and won’t lie again. This is not true. People are who they are. You simply cannot change it. The thing is – just cut your losses and move on. This was a major set back for me in life and I have learnt this now.

Do what YOU Love

This applies to everything but first of all I will talk about the job. So my school was academic and I went to study a Business and ICT degree because I was made to feel that was sensible. I even started the accounting CIMA qualification and then I stopped. I am a massively creative person – I love to make things, cook, I love fashion, I love making content and photography! What was I thinking???? I felt I should have either gone to a fashion college or a drama school but you cannot look back in life. When I hit 30 I was like that is it – I want to always be involved in creative projects. Me and one of my best friends met on a creative video job and she is a videographer. I have a huge love for theatre and the west end and I have many friends who work in London theatres from backstage, props, lighting and front of house. I wanted to initially film just one video about the West End. My friend then encouraged me to make a cultural channel about London as I know it to the back on my hand and I loved every moment producing content for my YouTube channel. I also have a friend who is a makeup artist and it would be my friend doing the makeup, my other friend filming and me presenting it and doing all the research. In the last two years we have interviewed the Mayor of London, West End stars like Mischief Theatre who have many productions and have access to the YouTube space in Kings Cross. I loved every moment of this and then my YouTube – Lady London was then born.

Want to live my life very positively
Want to live my life very positively

Doing YouTube has exposed me to a lot of people and I wanted to create my own TV Show. So I am now currently producing a TV Show on Amazon interviewing creative people about their journeys. I also have a major interest in fashion and started an online blog which you are currently reading 🙂 talking about my most loved brand and clothes. Anyone that knows me knows how much I love my fashion.

I refused to have a proper corporate job when I hit 30 and I found myself working behind the bar and front of house at theatres and concerts. However, I have met some of my BEST friends for life doing this and have a wide circle of creative friends in London. It also meant I had the days to work on my own projects and figure out what I wanted. I even taught English at the weekends to give something back to the world and loved being in the classroom.

Again, in my 20s I thought I would hate teaching but I love it as a side thing. Kids energy is so positive and I love that. I also love the challenge of engaging students and the challenging student in the classroom. Maybe down the line I will do more teaching, never say never.

In this present moment I have a day to day job I love at Global. The company owns some of the best loved radio stations in the UK like Heart and Capital FM, they are also a huge outdoor marketing company and have a brilliant school for 14 to 19 year olds.

It is super creative and I am surrounded by that. I work as a Marketing Manager and my role is super fun and challenging. Alongside this I am involved in other projects and doing what I want. I have also recently done a TV Commercial for hair brand Bigen who are well known in India.

I will always stay true to my roots and be in a creative environment as this is the place I will thrive in.

Marriage and Babies

Of course I want to be married and have children – I think most women do. However it needs to be with right person for you. I want a proper marriage and companionship. Basically to have a best friend who totally understands you but you fancy.

I am so thankful I have not rushed this decision yet and I am positive I will be married in my early 30s. There are so many scare mongers out there that try to make you feel so old about not being married and late to have kids. This is absolutely ludicrous. I have a whole life to live yet and waiting a couple of years is nothing in the main scheme of things.

When the time is right, everything will happen
When the time is right, everything will happen

Just look at Meghan Markle, she is 37 so 5 years OLDER than me and she has had a perfectly healthy baby boy. Even Myleen Klass is having a baby at 41. You can have women who can’t even have kids in their 20s or that are unhealthy and have a 40 year old women that has a healthy baby. It just depends and everyone is different. There is so much out there to help that anyway like my friend had twin baby boys through IVF.

I am a normal healthy girl so hopefully things will run smoothly and I take care of myself. I was not ready for any of this in my 20s – you can’t have a healthy relationship when you are not sorted. So ladies who are reading this do not worry. It is better to never settle. You should get married for love, not a transaction or anything else! It should only ever be because you are in love.

30s and upwards

I am so proud of all of the work I have put back into loving myself and having self love. I really have a super strong mind, career I want and I am surrounded by the best people.

If I could go back and tell my 29 year old self I would say this – young girl don’t worry, you have years ahead of you and just remember the feeling of not feeling good enough won’t last forever. Just enjoy life, cut out all the negativity and be your best version. Do not compare your life to others at all and listen to what you truly want. Everything will be just fine.

On that note, I hope this article can just help even one person who felt as lost as I did when I was I was in my late 20s xxx